‘Three Times’, an Obama television ad airing from Virginia to Colorado, savages McCain for lavishing $200 billion tax ‘giveaways’ on ‘big corporations’ [...] The McCain side retorted that the ‘$4 billion’ in tax breaks for oil companies mentioned in Obama’s ad was misleading because McCain is proposing an across-the-board tax cut for all corporations and is not favoring the oil industry.

A spokesman for McCain also characterized as misleading the charge that a McCain administration would pursue war with Iran.  “See, this is totally unfair,” said spokesman Brian Rogers.  “We will be pursuing war across the board with many countries in the Middle East, not only with Iran.”

Rogers paused, then added: “‘Middle’ being used in a more expansive sense than normal.”

Tags: politics, barack obama, john mccain, war, iran, the "middle" east, oil

“Surveys showed a majority of Israelis supported the deal [to exchange 5 jailed Lebanese militants, including a notorious killer, in return for the remains of the two Israel soldiers whose initial capture sparked the war between Israel and Hezbollah two summers ago. The deal] upheld an unwritten pact between the country’s leaders and the public: Israelis send their sons and daughters to mandatory military service, ready to go to war; leaders do everything possible to bring them home, dead or alive, from battle.

‘This closes a circle for me,’ said Ira Ben-Giat, whose son died [during the] war against Hezbollah [...] ‘I was waiting for a justification to have sacrificed my son, waiting for these two boys to return home.  Today gives me this reason, and a reason to send my other two children to the army.’”

The reason being that, if Ben-Giat’s other children happen to be captured by Hezbollah, they can first be used as justification for a disastrous war, like the one Ben-Giat’s first son died in, and later their dead bodies can be used by Hezbollah as bargaining chips to secure the freedom of criminals and killers.

“Well, it looks stupid when you write it down,” stated Ben-Giat. “That’s why it’s an unwritten pact.”

No official word yet on whether Israeli leaders will move forward with a plan to trade to Hezbollah a nuclear reactor and two F-18s in exchange for a wheelbarrow, the complete collection of Lebanon’s Funniest Home Videos on DVD, an original pressing ABBA record, and half a pack of Marlboros.

Tags: war, israel, international affairs, unwritten pact, hezbollah, lebanon’s funniest home videos

The Marine Corps on Wednesday said it was expelling one Marine and disciplining another for their roles in a video showing a Marine throwing a puppy off a cliff while on patrol in Iraq…

‘The actions seen in the Internet video are contrary to the high standards we expect of every Marine and will not be tolerated,’ Marine Corps Base Hawaii said in a news release.

“We have no idea how this happened,” continued the release.  “After even a cursory analysis of th[e] video, it is obvious that the abused puppy in question was a Sunni puppy, and the Sunni, after being downgraded from terrorists to insurgents, are now our allies.  And every Marine worth his salt should be able to tell the difference between an innocent Sunni puppy and a bloodthirsty Islamofascist werecub.

“Furthermore, Lance Cpl. Motari and Sgt. Encarnacion should have known better than to throw that puppy over the cliff themselves, let alone film it.  As every Marine knows, this ruins deniability.  That puppy should have been extraordinarily renditioned to an undisclosed location where it could have been dressed in cat clothes and made to defile its most sacred canine beliefs before finally being thrown over a cliff by an anonymous third-party.

“It’s just bizarre that the Marines in question could have acted so poorly.  It’s almost as if training men and women to be killing machines, making them serve for unprecedented tours of duty under mentally, physically, and spiritually crushing circumstances and at the same time relaxing the standards of enlistment and time of training so that increasingly mentally and socially unfit individuals can make it to the front lines as fast as possible with minimal training is having some sort of adverse effect on the performance of our troops.”

The press release paused, then shook its head.

“Nah, this has nothing to do with that.  The blame lies squarely and solely on the shoulders of these two soldiers alone, who we strongly suspect are actually communists.”

Tags: terrorism, iraq, military, war, puppy abuse

Many Iraqi politicians are closely monitoring the American presidential race, and some said the visit bolstered their belief that if Mr. McCain, of Arizona, succeeded President Bush in the November election, the American military would have a large presence in Iraq for a very long time.
...
Mrs. Clinton’s advisers said she would also take on Mr. McCain for a recent comment in which he said American troops could be in the country for 100 years.

Mr. McCain has defended that comment, made at a town hall meeting earlier this year in New Hampshire, arguing that he did not mean they would still be fighting but simply maintaining a presence in the region.

You have been invited to a conference chat with Raising_McCain. Do you accept? y
Raising_McCain: HILARY
Raising_McCain: HOWS TEH CAMPAIGN
thatshillaryous1026: its going well
Raising_McCain: THATS NICE
Raising_McCain: LETS STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH
thatshillaryous1026: lol
thatshillaryous1026: and lets start just beating bush!!!!
thatshillaryous1026: ;)
thatshillaryous1026: like president bush
Raising_McCain: UM, SURE
thatshillaryous1026: lol…
Raising_McCain: ...
Raising_McCain: YOUR ADVISERS NEED TO STOP TALKING TRASH
thatshillaryous1026: whats that supposed 2 mean
Raising_McCain: THE “100 YEARS” THING
Raising_McCain: AMERICAN TROOPS, IRAQ, 100 YEARS, BLAH BLAH
thatshillaryous1026: oh that
Raising_McCain: THE POINT IS:
Raising_McCain: THERES A SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FIGHTING AND MAINTAINING A PRESENCE
Raising_McCain: LIKE THE TROOPS COULD BE IN IRAQ JUST SORT OF HELPING OUT
thatshillaryous1026: umm
Raising_McCain: YOU KNOW
Raising_McCain: LIKE LEGISLATING CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM FOR IRAQIS
Raising_McCain: ADVOCATING STATES RIGHTS ON CONTROVERSIAL SOCIAL ISSUES
thatshillaryous1026: that really doesnt sound like our troops
thatshillaryous1026: theyre better @ shooting stuff
thatshillaryous1026: actully that sounds more like u!!! rotfl
Raising_McCain: SETTING UP A REALLY GOOD BARBEQUE SHACK
Raising_McCain: LIKE, REALLY GOOD
thatshillaryous1026: waaaaait a minute
thatshillaryous1026: omg
thatshillaryous1026: john u totally r going 2 move 2 iraq!!
Raising_McCain: WHAT
thatshillaryous1026: like for good!!
Raising_McCain: NO
thatshillaryous1026: it all makes sense!!!
Raising_McCain: I AM DEFINATELY NOT PLANNING A COUP WITH THE AID OF HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF LOYAL AMERICAN TROOPS
Raising_McCain: IF THATS WHAT YOURE SUGGESTING
thatshillaryous1026: its “definitely”
Raising_McCain: WHATEVER
thatshillaryous1026: didnt u even buy a house there???
Raising_McCain: ITS A VACATION HOME
thatshillaryous1026: its in like downtown baghdad
Raising_McCain: THE WARM CLIMATE SUSTAINS MY SCALY ECTOTHERMIC BODY
thatshillaryous1026: ...
thatshillaryous1026: dick cheney are u sitting behind john right now telling him what 2 type
Raising_McCain has been censored by the Chat Administrator.
Raising_McCain has been censored by the Chat Administrator.
Raising_McCain has been censored by the Chat Administrator.
thatshillaryous1026: stop typing swears
Raising_McCain: POOOOOPP
Raising_McCain has been censored by the Chat Administrator.
Raising_McCain has been censored by the Chat Administrator.
Raising_McCain: I HAVE TO GO LEGISTLATE SOMETHING OKAY BYE
Raising_McCain has left the conference chat.
thatshillaryous1026: john please dont go
thatshillaryous1026: ur…
thatshillaryous1026: ur my only freind

thatshillaryous1026: barack still wont play teh appropriations bill drinking game with me

Tags: politics, john mccain, george w. bush, conference chat, hillary clinton, iraq, war, a really good barbeque shack

The military is investigating a “shocking and deplorable” YouTube video that seems to show a Marine throwing a puppy off a rocky cliff.
The black-and-white puppy makes a yelping sound as it flies through the air.
...
“Certainly, there’s a lot of outrage, and a lot of people are upset about it...” [a Marine Corps spokesman] said. “We hope that it turns out not to be what it looks like.”

Marine Corps Spokesman: So let’s just clear the air a bit, men: currently our stated position on the puppy incident is—let me get this right—"We hope that it turns out not to be what it looks like.”
Alleged Puppy-Abusing Marine #1: Yes sir.
MCS: Because it looks like you filmed yourselves throwing a puppy off a cliff.
Alleged Puppy-Abusing Marine #2: YES SIR.
MCS: An awfully cute little puppy.
APAM1: Yes sir.
MCS: To its cute little puppy death.
APAM1: Yes sir.
APAM2: THAT’S RIGHT, SIR.
MCS: Please tell me that was something different somehow.
APAM1:
APAM2:
MCS:
APAM1: Yes sir.  That was an insurgent puppy, sir.
MCS:
APAM1: It seemed to be reporting our position to the insurgency, sir.
APAM2: OVER A LITTLE PINK HEADSET SHAPED LIKE A PAW PRINT—
MCS:
APAM2: THAT SAID “IAMS” ON IT.  SIR.
MCS: Goddammit, soldier.  That ain’t gonna fly and you know it.
APAM1: Well, it was also sick.
APAM2: IT WAS A SICK PUPPY AND WE WERE EUTHANIZING IT, SIR.
APAM1: In the most awesome way we could think of.
MCS: Keep talking.
APAM2: ALSO, HIS HAND SLIPPED. SO IT WAS ACCIDENTAL BUT ALSO ON PURPOSE.
MCS:
APAM1: All right: when I said, “I’m gonna throw this dang puppy off a cliff,” that was a typo.
MCS: Typo.
APAM2: SPOKEN TYPO, SIR.
MCS: I’m not—I’m not too sure how the whole Internet works—
APAM1: That ain’t us on the video, anyhow.
MCS: Oh no?
APAM2: THOSE ARE IRAQIS, SIR.
APAM1: Puppy abuse is all in their culture and whatnot.
MCS, brightening: Is that a fact?
APAM1: Oh yeah, it’s in the Qur’an. Yeah, those were some Shiite extremists in Marine outfits with, uh… with carefully honed American accents, sir. They’ll stop at nothing!
MCS: Those sons of ...!
APAM2: YES SIR.  IT’S A TOUGH FIGHT AGAINST PUPPY-ABUSING TERRORISTS.
MCS: By God, it is, ain’t it.
APAM1: Yes sir.
MCS: Well, I think we’ve covered what we had to cover.  I appreciate your time, soldiers.
APAM1: Thank you sir.  We have to run—buddy of ours is pinned down a mile outside Fallujah.
MCS: That right?
APAM2: IT’S A NEST OF QAEDA-SYMPATHIZING BUNNY RABBITS, LOOKS LIKE.
MCS: You give ‘em hell.

Tags: terrorism, iraq, military, war, puppy abuse