Was it a theft? A prank? A roundabout effort to bring some holiday cheer to the police? Authorities in Harwich, Massachusetts, are probing the mysterious appearance of a piano, in good working condition, in the middle of the woods.
…
Sgt. Adam Hutton of the Harwich Police Department said information has been broadcast to all the other police departments in the Cape Cod area in hopes of drumming up a clue, however minor it may be
…
It took a handful of police to move the piano into a vehicle to transport it to storage, so it would appear that putting it into the woods took more than one person.

At the Hutton residence in Harwich, Massachusetts

-How was your day, honey?
-Ah, not great. Some jokesters put a piano in the woods and then –
-IT WAS ME!
-
-It was me. I hired some people and we put that piano out in the woods. Surprise!
-(anger swelling) Why on Earth would you do that?!
-It was a roundabout effort to bring some holiday cheer into your day. You’ve been so down lately, I thought it might cheer you up.
-(rage overflowing) I’ve been down because I’m a police officer in a crumby small town where there is nothing better for me to do than, for example, go look at pianos out in the woods and then answer questions about it to some reporter from CNN. That’s why I’ve been upset, dear.
-Oh…I see.
-
-Did you see that we put the bench there, too? It wasn’t just any bench. It was a piano bench.
-I saw the freaking bench. Did you see that the Harwich Community Bank was robbed today? It’s the first real crime that’s happened in this town in a decade and none of the police were nearby because we were all dealing with the stupid piano.
-Oh.
-
-Did you notice that the bench was placed as if someone was about to play? Come on, playing a piano in the woods? If that doesn’t bring some holiday cheer to your day, I don’t know what will. Are you sure you get it, honey?
-
-Did you notice that the piano was properly tuned? Maybe you and the boys can have a little holiday party. You know, play that Charlie Brown Christmas song you like, sip some eggnog…in the woods! (wiping away a tear from laughter) Oh dear, good thing we’re not out of Kleenex!
-
-Honey? You’re grimacing.
-I can’t believe they put this on CNN.com as one of the top stories.
-Dear, can you please stay in our diegesis at least until we finish our conversation?
-On the front freaking page of CNN.com…a piano in the freaking woods…
-Actually, that is disappointing, isn’t it?

Tags: music, police, holidays, a roundabout effort to bring some holiday cheer to the police, pianos, cnn

”There’s no lying, there’s no cheating, there’s no nothing,” [John] Mayer told reporters Saturday about his split with [Jennifer] Aniston…

If anything Mayer had only praise for his ex, saying: “Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I have ever met.”

So what went wrong? “People are different, people have different chemistry,” said Mayer, who appeared emotional, nervous and sad. “I ended a relationship to be alone, because I don’t want to waste somebody’s time if something’s not right.”

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On My Own (All Along) lyrics

I’ve known a lot of people
But you’re the smartest one I’ve met
You’re more sophisticated
Than all my groupies, yet…

There’s no chemistry, babe

We had a lot of fun, oh
We didn’t have a single fight
I was stoked to bang you, girl
But something wasn’t right

It was the chemistry, babe

:::
I didn’t cheat
I’d never lie
No there was nothing you did wrong
I must repeat:
I think that I
Just wanted to be on my own…
All along.
:::

You’re very hot for your age
Your body still is oh so nice
But it’s not in my makeup
To want the same boobs twice

It’s just my chemistry, babe

Call all your friends together
And talk about how I’m a dick
That’s fine with me—hey maybe
I’ll find some college chick

Who’s taking chemistry, babe

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Tags: entertainment, music, chemistry, i was stoked to bang you, john mayer, jennifer aniston

[Billy] Joel was on hand yesterday for the announcement of the [Soho] annex [to Cleveland’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame], along with Sony BMG’s chief creative officer Clive Davis and Mayor Michael Bloomberg, but he couldn’t hand over the piece from the final Shea Stadium concerts that the museum had asked him to donate. “I was supposed to be giving the jersey that I was given at Shea Stadium during the shows, but actually that jersey is in a road case on its way to Hong Kong,” Joel said. “So this morning, I ran around my house looking for tchotchkes that I could give and I was pulling stuff off the walls.”

Museum organizers are excited about the new exhibit. “We hear that this pink, shell-shaped glass ashtray was given to Joel by Elton John, and we are thrilled to have these leather coasters which, as you can see, are definitely uptown.”

Other items rumored to be in the exhibit are a large collection of ceramic thimbles, each bearing the coat of arms of a different city visited by Joel during his Storm Front and USSR tours, and a set of Russian nesting dolls painted with the likenesses of the Beatles.  Joel told museum staff that he’s “fairly sure” that “at least one or two” of several decorative keychains he donated were the ones that had held the keys of the cars he crashed in 2002, 2003, and 2004.

But the item curator Simon Littlewood calls “the crown jewel of the collection” is an empty matchbox emblazoned with the album art for ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire.’ Scrawled across the design, in Joel’s writing, are the words “just kidding - we totally did.”

Tags: entertainment, music, we didn't start the fire, nesting russian dolls, tchotchkes, shea stadium, rock and roll hall of fame, billy joel

Jay-Z kicked off his controversial Glastonbury headline slot tonight (June 28) with an Oasis cover - hitting back at Noel Gallagher’s criticism of his booking.

Before the show started, a montage of clips played, concluding with the recent interview Gallagher gave where he said the Pyramid Stage performance was “not right” for the festival.

Before a huge crowd, the superstar rapper then mimed along to Oasis’ huge 1995 hit ‘Wonderwall’.

-Can you believe the nerve?! We’ve got to get him back!
-Noel, maybe you should just let it go.
-Let it go? Not a chance. He was NOT RIGHT for the festival.
-Glastonbury is a music festival. He’s probably the most successful rapper of all time and rap is one of the most popular types of music on the planet. How could he possibly not be right for it?
-
-
-I’ve got it! We should play a cover of one of HIS songs!
-Look, you’re being a tit. Liam is going to punch you in the throat if you make a bigger mockery of yourself than you’ve already done. Please stop.
-Quick, tell me the name of a Jay-Z song - did he sing that “I like big butts” number?
-
-Or, hang on - I seem to remember a certain “Humpy” persona.  Was that Jay-Z?  The one inciting people to perform the Humpy Dump?
-I’m not going to be a part of this.
-Never mind, I’ll just look it up online. Ah, here is one called “Big Pimpin’”.
-For the love of God, please stop.
-(in thick Manchurian accent, to the tune of “Don’t look back in anger”) We doin’ big pimpin, we spendin’ cheese…
-You’re only hurting yourself.
-(with growing enthusiasm) We doin’ big pimpin’ up in NYC! It’s just that Jigga-man, Pimp-C and B.U.N.B. – come on and sing it with me, other member of Oasis!
-I told you to stop calling me that.

Tags: entertainment, music, the brothers gallagher, glastonbury, oasis, jay-z