praise the lard
“There is this machismo right now about what’s wrong with fat, what’s wrong with big bowls of pasta or pork or whatever,” [restaurateur Drew Nieporent] said. “Hey, there’s a lot wrong with too much of it.”
...
“I exercise, I eat and I am a fully existing person in society,” [chef Mario Batali] said. “But would I like to be 40 pounds less? Am I sorry I’m not in better shape? Yes.”
...
“Believe me, by the end of this year I hope to lose 40 pounds the same way [fellow restauranteur Joseph Bastianich] has, by portion control and exercising two or three hours a day,” Mr. Batali said. “You can’t eat a large portion of a pig and lose weight.”
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Interior: a doctor’s study. Burnished knick-knacks adorn the mantlepiece; warm afternoon light bathes the signed photographs of famous faces arranged discreetly on the wall opposite the Doctor’s mahogany desk. Mario Batali, resplendent in a tall white toque and spotless apron, enters and settles into the studded maroon leather armchair. The chair creaks slightly as the Doctor observes Batali over his steepled hands.
Mario Batali: Thanks for seeing me at such short notice, doc.
Doctor: It’s my pleasure, Mario. What can I help you with today?
Batali: I need to know about diets.
Doctor: So you’re thinking of starting on a diet! Mario, that’s marvelous news.
Batali: stomach rumbles
Doctor: Well, uh. Let’s talk about portion control. How much meat do you eat on average?
Batali: Oh, about 12 ounces, probably.
Doctor: Just 12 ounces per day! That shouldn’t be hard to bring under control. Let’s try to get that down to 8 ounces at first, and—
Batali: Wait, sorry—I thought you were going to say “per meal.”
Doctor: I’m sorry?
Batali: It’s 12 ounces of meat, per meal.
Doctor: Oh. Oh my. I— So you’re saying you eat 36 ounces of meat every day?
Batali: Maybe more like 48.
Doctor: ...
Batali: Plus afternoon snacks would be 60. I mean, 72 if you count elevensies, which I don’t.
Doctor: ...
Batali: Elevensies is generally a steak.
Doctor: Okay, Mario. You’re going to have to— We need to talk seriously about your meat intake, if you want to live out this year.
Batali, downcast: I was afraid of that.
Doctor: Let’s look at some examples. You tell me what you consider a serving of meat, and I’ll tell you whether it fits into a healthy lifestlye.
Batali: Okay, um… okay: ribeye steak, covered in a fragrant sauce of ground lamb and herbs, on a bed of bacon.
Doctor: ...
Batali: Or, chicken rollatini in a veal cream sauce, dusted in crackling—
Doctor: Let’s try to stick to just one type of meat at a time.
Batali: Oh, sure. Pork chops.
Doctor: See, that’s—
Batali: Wrapped in prosciutto.
Doctor: Well, but—
Batali: Also on a bed of bacon.
Doctor: Um—
Batali: You could complement that with this miniature schnitzel thing that I’ve been—
Doctor: Mario. I’m going to tell you something important.
Batali: Yeah?
Doctor: And I want you to take it to heart.
Batali: Sure thing, doc.
Doctor: You cannot eat a large portion of a pig, and hope to lose weight, Mario.
Batali:
Doctor:
Batali: What if it’s a—
Doctor: No.
Batali: Okay, but if I—
Doctor: No.
Batali: So, only small portions of meat?
Doctor: Yes.
Batali, patting giant wheel of cheese stamped “Friday”: As long as I don’t have to give up Giorgio here.
