their only demand is a .500 record
Thu
26
June

Pirates took four European tourists hostage after their yacht ran out of fuel off the coast of northern Somalia in the Red Sea’s Gulf of Aden, according to a Somaliland official.

The pirates then took their hostages—a man, woman, their child and their yacht’s pilot—into hills around the fishing town of Las Qoray, said Ahmed Yusuf Yasin, vice president of the self-declared Republic of Somaliland.

...

Yasin said he believed the hostages were either French or German.

by
posted at
11:00 am EDT

Pirates took four American League players hostage yesterday after they inadvertently wandered too close to the Pittsburgh dugout, according to a clubhouse official.

The Pirates (tentatively identified as Nate McLouth, Xavier Nady, and Tom Gorzelanny) then took their hostages—a pitcher, shortstop, and two outfielders—into the team’s locker room, said Brian Garrity, president and treasurer of the self-declared Bucs Nation Ultimate Fanclub (BNUF).

Garrity said he believed the hostages were either Mariners or Yankees.

Tags: international relations, sports, baseball, somalia, flippant interpretations of genuinely traumatic events, pittsburgh pirates, pirates