A 29-year-old Swan Creek Township man was in the Saginaw County Jail for “receiving sexual favors from a vacuum” at a Thomas Township car wash, police say.

A Thomas Township resident called police to report “someone acting suspicious” at a car wash around 6:45 a.m. Thursday, said Police Sgt. Gary Breidinger.

The officer parked some distance away, approached on foot and caught the man in the act, Breidinger said.

“This man is very lucky that the officer didn’t observe him feeding quarters into the machine,” Breidinger continued.  “Or else he’d be looking at additional charges of solicitation of prostitution, on top of the public indecency.”

Tags: crime, police, vacuum, receiving sexual favors from a vacuum, novel yet inappropriate use of machinery

Former People magazine “Most Eligible Bachelor” Gary Zerola was among the dozens of revelers arrested in downtown Boston as some fans went wild over the Celtics’ 17th NBA championship win.

Zerola - a Boston attorney who was acquitted on sexual assault charges in two separate cases in Massachusetts this year, and saw a Florida rape case dropped this month - was arraigned this morning on charges of assault and battery on a police officer, disturbing the peace, and resisting arrest.

Zerola was allegedly urinating near the intersection of State and Congress Streets at about 1:45 a.m. when a Boston police officer monitoring the behavior of Celtics fans asked him what he was doing, according to Jake Wark, spokesman for Suffolk District Attorney Daniel Conley.
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Zerola told a Herald reporter the incident was a “misunderstanding.”

Inside of a courtroom, Boston’s Edward W. Brooke Courthouse, 10:20am
Judge: You again, eh?
Zerola: Yes, your honor.
Judge, peering around the courtroom: Which young lady was it this time?
Zerola: No, your honor.  This time it was about public urination.
Judge: You have to stay out of trouble.  If you don’t, you’re going to wind up back here and in jail for 60 days. Do you understand me?
Zerola: Very clearly, your honor.

Concession stand, ground floor of the Courthouse, 10:55am
Comely Young Girl Behind the Counter: What can I get you, sir?
Zerola: Have you ever heard that Errol Flynn met his second wife when she was selling concessions at a courthouse?
CYGBC: Who’s Errol Flynn?
Zerola: He was a famous actor in the 1940s.  A swashbuckler.  A rogue.  A man about town.  A man not very different from myse—
CYGBC: What was he doing in the courthouse?
Zerola: Well, actually, he was on trial for statutory rape.
CYGBC: [does not appear impressed]
Zerola: But he was acquitted.
CYGBC: Yuh-huh.  And what are you doing in this courthouse?
Zerola: It’s a long story, sweetheart.  How ‘bout I just show you?
CYGBC: Sir, what are you—oh my God.

Back inside the courtroom, 11:13am
Judge:
Zerola:
Judge: What did i just—
Zerola: I know.

Tags: sports, crime, swashbucklers, boston, gary zerola, festive urination

Huff’s dog didn’t escape mention in the lawsuit either. The lawsuit continued, “Such motives are also evidenced by the fact that after plaintiffs complained about the [second-hand] smoke, defendant encouraged her dog to urinate on plaintiffs’ property and in front of their doorway.”

When asked whether it’s true that her dog urinated on her neighbor’s property, Huff said, “I never saw that, but maybe. I don’t know.” The dog had no comment. 

No comment, Mr. Reporter Man?  I guess that means you weren’t able to translate that little message I left in your shoe.

MWAHAHAHA.  BWAHAHA-HACK. hurnk.

Hhorrk.

Tags: puppy abuse, crime, dogs, lawsuits, law