swarming is the natural means of reproduction
According to the prevailing wisdom, the more families there are in a building, the better the chance that one’s own brood will be welcomed— which is why many parents understandably focus their due diligence on a building’s demographics. But with more brokers unwilling to provide such information because of fair-housing laws, parents must increasingly rely on their own sleuthing powers. (According to a strict interpretation of federal state and local fair-housing laws, describing a building as “family friendly” is illegal.)
Fortunately, there are a variety of obvious and not-so-obvious techniques for collecting intelligence about a building’s juvenile population.
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from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swarming_(manhattan_residents):
New homes are formed when mothers leave the old residence with a husband, a process called swarming. The first or prime swarm generally goes to the Upper East or Upper West Side. As soon as the swarm is established as a new home, the parents raise a new child, or sometimes a child is already present in the swarm. Afterswarms are usually smaller and are accompanied by one or more virgin babysitters. Sometimes a household will swarm in succession until it is almost totally depleted of financial resources.
Swarming is mainly a spring phenomenon, usually within a two- or three-month period, the usual period depending on the locale. But occasional swarms can happen throughout the producing season. Old fashioned laissez-faire housekeeping depended upon the capture of new homes to replenish closet space and early swarms were especially valued. An old English ditty says:
A swarm of kids in May is worth a load of hay;
A swarm of kids in June is worth a silver spoon;
A swarm of kids in July isn’t worth a fly.
Swarms of parents sometimes frighten people, though they are usually not aggressive at this stage of their life cycle. This is principally due to the swarming parents’ lack of a home to defend and are more interested in finding a new nesting point for their kitchen table. This does not mean that household swarms will not attack if they perceive a threat; however, most parents only attack in response to intrusions against their home. Most swarms will move on and find a suitable nesting location in a month or two. Legal authorities are sometimes called to capture children that are cast by feral parents or from the homes of inattentive babysitters.
Contents
* 1 Swarm management
* 2 Swarm control methods
* 3 Swarming location
* 4 Swarm capture
* 5 External links
[edit] Swarm management
During the first year of a child’s life the household has little incentive to swarm, unless the home is very crowded. During her second spring, however, she seems to be programmed to swarm. Without husband “swarm management” in the second year, the mother will cast a “prime swarm” and one to five “after swarms.” The grandmother will go with the prime swarm, and other swarms will be accompanied by relatively less important relatives.
Swarming is to the landlord what losing all of his calves is to a cattleman. The residence that cast the swarm is often so badly depleted that it will be unproductive for the entire season. For this reason, landlords try to anticipate swarming and assist the parents to reproduce in a more controlled fashion by “encouraging birth control” or making “loud noises.” This saves the “calves” and keeps the “cow” in condition to accomplish some work.
Landlords that do not wish to increase the number of properties they have may use one or more of the many methods for swarm control. Most methods simulate swarming to extinguish the swarming drive.
