The United States is operating “floating prisons” to house those arrested in its war on terror, according to human rights lawyers, who claim there has been an attempt to conceal the numbers and whereabouts of detainees.

-Bad news, sir. The press has found out about the floating prisons.
-What? That’s impossible!
-I’m afraid so, sir. They claim that as many as 15 ships –
-Ohhhhh. You mean the ship prisons?
-Of course, sir. What else –
-Darn, they found out about the floating prison. [rearranging materials on desk] Darn those journalists. Well, good meeting, Johnson, I’ll just –
-Sir, are there . . . other floating prisons?
-Whatever would give you that idea?
-Well, you were at first very upset when I mentioned the floating prisons, and then apparently relieved when you realized that I was talking about the prisons on US Navy ships.
-Maybe you should be more precise with your language. Language is what separates us from the beasts, Johnson.
-Language and floating prisons.
-That’s right, language and – hey!
-So there are floating prisons. There are.
-What? Don’t be ridiculous. It would take 520,000 helium balloons over a restricted airspace in the desolate Yukon wilderness to make a prison float. Highly unlikely.
-(sigh) At the press conference should I still deny any knowledge of the floating prisons?
-I told you I don’t know –
-The ones that are floating on water.
-Oh, those. Ah, what the heck. Let’s fess up. There’s more than one way to float a prison, if you get my drift.
-Stop winking at me, sir. 

Tags: international relations, terrorism, the desolate yukon wilderness, floating prisons

While the majority of human rights activists criticize the US government for its use of ships to house terror suspects, a small but growing group has turned its focus to floating prisons of another kind.

“Carnival Cruise Lines has been stepping all over people’s dignity for too long,” says Maya Carruthers, the leader of STFPN and a onetime cruise ‘guest’ herself.

“Ding!  Time for shuffleboard.  Ding!  Everyone to the buffet.  Ding!  Afternoon water aerobics.  Why can’t they just let us live?”

“At least on the prison ships you have a fair chance of not contracting a debilitating case of food poisoning.”