President Bush has admitted to The Times that his gun-slinging rhetoric made the world believe that he was a “guy really anxious for war” in Iraq. He said that his aim now was to leave his successor a legacy of international diplomacy for tackling Iran.

In an exclusive interview, he expressed regret at the bitter divisions over the war and said that he was troubled about how his country had been misunderstood. “I think that in retrospect I could have used a different tone, a different rhetoric.”

Phrases such as “bring them on” or “dead or alive”, he said, “indicated to people that I was, you know, not a man of peace”. He said that he found it very painful “to put youngsters in harm’s way”.
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“I’ve campaigned for change ever since I ran for office,” he noted, “except for 2004. Then I wasn’t for change.”

Man: Hi honey, I’m home!
Woman: Hello, dear. How did it go? You look as white as a sheet!
Man: Yes.
Woman: What happened?!
Man: It’s over.
Woman: What’s over? Darling, what’s going on?
Man: News.
Woman: Yes, what’s news? Did you get to interview him? What did he say that was newsworthy?
Man: News is over.
Woman: Sorry, dear, I don’t get it. Come and have a nice sit down.
Man: Yes.
Woman: So what’s up?
Man: My job is pointless.
Woman: You’ve just interviewed the President! How can your job be pointless? What did he say?
Man: Are you ready?
Woman: Of course!
Man: He said he thought the public view of him as a non-peaceful man was wrong. He said that he’s never been anxious for war.
Woman: But didn’t he once describe himself as a ‘war president?’
Man: What he actually said, in February 2004, was “I’m a war president. I make decisions here in the Oval Office in foreign policy matters with war on my mind.”
Woman: Oh.
Man: Yes.
Woman: Well then.
Man: Indeed.
Woman: So did you point this out to your readers in your piece?
Man: No. I wasn’t allowed to.
Woman: Oh.
Man: Yes.
Woman: Why not?
Man: Well, the boss brought up the example of that Monty Python sketch. You know, the one where someone discovers the funniest joke ever, and everyone who hears it instantly dies laughing. He said that, on a similar basis, if we were to analyse Bush’s comments, even a little bit, our circulation would instantly drop to zero.
Woman: Did he really say that?
Man: No. We signed a pre-interview contract preventing us from pointing out any of his - uh, how was it described? - ah yes, ‘massively hypocritical contradictions’.
Woman: Did the contract actually say that?
Man: Unfortunately yes.
Woman: So what are you going to do now, honey?
Man: Become a bus driver.
Woman: Probably a good idea.
Man: Yeah.
Woman: Cup of tea?
Man: Thank you.

Tags: politics, international relations, george w. bush, iraq, massively hypocritical contradictions