The Marine Corps on Wednesday said it was expelling one Marine and disciplining another for their roles in a video showing a Marine throwing a puppy off a cliff while on patrol in Iraq…

‘The actions seen in the Internet video are contrary to the high standards we expect of every Marine and will not be tolerated,’ Marine Corps Base Hawaii said in a news release.

“We have no idea how this happened,” continued the release.  “After even a cursory analysis of th[e] video, it is obvious that the abused puppy in question was a Sunni puppy, and the Sunni, after being downgraded from terrorists to insurgents, are now our allies.  And every Marine worth his salt should be able to tell the difference between an innocent Sunni puppy and a bloodthirsty Islamofascist werecub.

“Furthermore, Lance Cpl. Motari and Sgt. Encarnacion should have known better than to throw that puppy over the cliff themselves, let alone film it.  As every Marine knows, this ruins deniability.  That puppy should have been extraordinarily renditioned to an undisclosed location where it could have been dressed in cat clothes and made to defile its most sacred canine beliefs before finally being thrown over a cliff by an anonymous third-party.

“It’s just bizarre that the Marines in question could have acted so poorly.  It’s almost as if training men and women to be killing machines, making them serve for unprecedented tours of duty under mentally, physically, and spiritually crushing circumstances and at the same time relaxing the standards of enlistment and time of training so that increasingly mentally and socially unfit individuals can make it to the front lines as fast as possible with minimal training is having some sort of adverse effect on the performance of our troops.”

The press release paused, then shook its head.

“Nah, this has nothing to do with that.  The blame lies squarely and solely on the shoulders of these two soldiers alone, who we strongly suspect are actually communists.”

Tags: iraq, terrorism, military, war, puppy abuse