The military is investigating a “shocking and deplorable” YouTube video that seems to show a Marine throwing a puppy off a rocky cliff.
The black-and-white puppy makes a yelping sound as it flies through the air.
...
“Certainly, there’s a lot of outrage, and a lot of people are upset about it...” [a Marine Corps spokesman] said. “We hope that it turns out not to be what it looks like.”

Marine Corps Spokesman: So let’s just clear the air a bit, men: currently our stated position on the puppy incident is—let me get this right—"We hope that it turns out not to be what it looks like.”
Alleged Puppy-Abusing Marine #1: Yes sir.
MCS: Because it looks like you filmed yourselves throwing a puppy off a cliff.
Alleged Puppy-Abusing Marine #2: YES SIR.
MCS: An awfully cute little puppy.
APAM1: Yes sir.
MCS: To its cute little puppy death.
APAM1: Yes sir.
APAM2: THAT’S RIGHT, SIR.
MCS: Please tell me that was something different somehow.
APAM1:
APAM2:
MCS:
APAM1: Yes sir.  That was an insurgent puppy, sir.
MCS:
APAM1: It seemed to be reporting our position to the insurgency, sir.
APAM2: OVER A LITTLE PINK HEADSET SHAPED LIKE A PAW PRINT—
MCS:
APAM2: THAT SAID “IAMS” ON IT.  SIR.
MCS: Goddammit, soldier.  That ain’t gonna fly and you know it.
APAM1: Well, it was also sick.
APAM2: IT WAS A SICK PUPPY AND WE WERE EUTHANIZING IT, SIR.
APAM1: In the most awesome way we could think of.
MCS: Keep talking.
APAM2: ALSO, HIS HAND SLIPPED. SO IT WAS ACCIDENTAL BUT ALSO ON PURPOSE.
MCS:
APAM1: All right: when I said, “I’m gonna throw this dang puppy off a cliff,” that was a typo.
MCS: Typo.
APAM2: SPOKEN TYPO, SIR.
MCS: I’m not—I’m not too sure how the whole Internet works—
APAM1: That ain’t us on the video, anyhow.
MCS: Oh no?
APAM2: THOSE ARE IRAQIS, SIR.
APAM1: Puppy abuse is all in their culture and whatnot.
MCS, brightening: Is that a fact?
APAM1: Oh yeah, it’s in the Qur’an. Yeah, those were some Shiite extremists in Marine outfits with, uh… with carefully honed American accents, sir. They’ll stop at nothing!
MCS: Those sons of ...!
APAM2: YES SIR.  IT’S A TOUGH FIGHT AGAINST PUPPY-ABUSING TERRORISTS.
MCS: By God, it is, ain’t it.
APAM1: Yes sir.
MCS: Well, I think we’ve covered what we had to cover.  I appreciate your time, soldiers.
APAM1: Thank you sir.  We have to run—buddy of ours is pinned down a mile outside Fallujah.
MCS: That right?
APAM2: IT’S A NEST OF QAEDA-SYMPATHIZING BUNNY RABBITS, LOOKS LIKE.
MCS: You give ‘em hell.

Tags: iraq, terrorism, military, war, puppy abuse