Peter Mullen, the Church of England vicar who wrote on his blog that gay men should have “sodomy” warnings tattooed on their bodies, has repeated an apology in his newspaper column today and explained why he made such a controversial suggestion.

In a piece headlined Why I was Wrong in the Darlington-based daily, the Northern Echo, Mullen writes:
“I much regret making some off-colour jokes about homosexuals on my website and I have offered a full public apology… I’m sorry I wrote what I did.”

“I voted for the Homosexual Reform Act of 1967; and I would vote for it again today. This act specified the decriminalisation of homosexual acts ‘between consenting adults in private’… ‘Private’ means in the bedroom – and neither Hampstead Heath nor public lavatories.

“What I do oppose – on the authority of the Christian faith – is the corrupting influence of the promotional parades of homosexuality by such as Gay Pride demonstrations. And that is what I was satirising.

“One might say that what was once a mortal sin is now only a lifestyle choice. And the love that once dare not speak its name now shrieks at us in high camp down every high street.”

An empty street containing a few houses and a church. Peter Mullen exits his church, locking the door behind him. He feels a sudden, cold breeze envelop his body, followed by a sharp tap on the shoulder. He spins round to see that there’s nobody there.

Mullen: What? Huh … who’s there?
Voice: Peter!
Mullen [looking petrified]: Who’s saying that? Where are you?
Voice: Peter! It is I, Rubik, the non-denominational ghost-god of logic.
Mullen: W-w-w-what?
Rubik: Would you like me to repeat that?
Mullen: No! Where are you?
Rubik: I am invisible, Peter.
Mullen: Huh? What do you want?
Rubik: I read your blog, Peter. And your apology.
Mullen: And?
Rubik: I’ve come to help you think more clearly.
Mullen: I don’t need your help. Leave me alone!
Rubik: Peter, I think you might. Do you really believe that people’s desires and beliefs should be contained to the bedroom?
Mullen: Yes! We’ve been very tolerant of homosexuals, what with the 1967 Act and everything, but they should keep it to themselves.
Rubik: I’m glad you believe in democracy, Peter. The word actually means ‘governance by the people’.
Mullen: I know.
Rubik: Do you really think that being gay is a lifestyle choice?
Mullen: Yes!
Rubik: You see, Peter, most people in this country think that religion is a belief system and lifestyle choice.
Mullen: I don’t!
Rubik: I know, Peter, I know. Just to be clear, though: do you also really believe that gay people singing or congregating to express their sexuality is wrong?
Mullen: Yes I do. It’s a private matter.
Rubik: I thought so, Peter, and that’s why I’ve come to help.
Mullen: How?
Rubik: Turn around, Peter.
Mullen: Why?
Rubik: Come on, just turn around 180 degrees for me.
[Mullen shuffles round to face the other way.]
Rubik: Now, what do you see?
Mullen: A door.
Rubik: And what’s it a door to, Peter?
Mullen: A church.
Rubik: That’s right, you idiot, it’s a great big massive church. Now, if you’ll just stay still so I can brand the word ‘hypocrite’ onto your forehead with this red-hot poker, I’ll be on my way.
[Mullen turns and runs away as fast as he can, screaming.]
Rubik: Just think about it Peter! I’m only here to help! [to himself, wearily] Ho hum. Guess I’m should get off to have a chat to that Sarah Palin about her ‘tackling corruption’ speeches.
[A gust of wind. All is quiet.]

Tags: religion, britain, homosexuality, church of england, rubik the non-denominational ghost-god of logic, peter mullen