DENVER, Colorado (CNN) —Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton will release her delegates to Sen. Barack Obama, a Clinton spokesman said Sunday, the eve of the Democratic National Convention.

Cops milling around, squad cars parked outside of a rundown house on the outskirts of town. Tensions are high. Hostage situation. A commanding figure strides out of an arriving town car, megaphone at the ready.

Barack (into megaphone): Hillary, we’ve got the place surrounded. Just let the delegates go.
Hillary (shouting): NEVER!
Barack: Hillary, we don’t want anyone to get hurt today. That speech you gave was so gracious – why go messing things up with this?
Hillary: Because they’re my delegates…my precious delegates…my precious…
Barack: Okay, hold on. Mr. Costelvis?
Mello: Uh...are you talking to me, Mr. Obama?
Barack: That’s right, Mr. Costelvis, you are the author of this piece, are you not?
Mello: Uh, yeah, but...how is that you’re talking to me?
Barack: I’m Barack freaking Obama. I can do anything. Do you understand that?
Mello: Yes, sir.
Barack: Now, I understand what you were trying to do.
Mello: It’s just that line - “will release her delegates” – it’s so silly, I mean –
Barack: I agree with you, but this has been done.
Mello: Huh?
Barack: Hillary as desperate, Hillary as clinging on to a failed dream, however you want to describe it. It’s been done. It’s not clever.
Mello: Sure, but I thought –
Barack: You thought you could fix it with a Gollum “my precious” Lord of the Rings reference?
Mello: (ashamed) Yes, sir.
Barack: Now Mello, you don’t seem like a dummy. I expect better of you and I want you to expect better of yourself. This country needs CHANGE – from the guy in charge all the way down to the lowly news commentating bloggers. Are you with me?
Mello: Yes, sir.
Barack: Okay then. I’ve got to get back to work - I have a speech to give at a convention and this country isn’t going to inspire itself, if you know what I mean.

Barack drives off with confidence and class. The exhaust from his car drifts upwards and forms the word “Believe.”

Mello: Wow. That guy can do anything. Maybe he is as good as all the hype.
Hillary: WHAT’S THAT? WHO ARE YOU? YOU CAN’T HAVE MY DELEGATES EITHER! NEVER, YOU HEAR ME?! NEVER!!!

Hillary throws a cat out the window. Mello shakes his head and sighs in resignation. Elsewhere Barack sneezes and an angel is given its wings.

Tags: politics, barack obama, hillary clinton, postmodern claims of autonomy from a fictionalized character, gollum, delegates, lord of the rings