Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley was spoken to by police after he was seen by millions of TV viewers downing a pint in the stands, Scotland Yard said.
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Police said a complaint was received from a member of the public during his team’s 3-0 defeat on Saturday.

Newcastle United said Mr Ashley thought he was drinking non-alcoholic beer.

Premier League licensing laws prohibit the consumption of alcohol in view of the pitch.

Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley was also reprimanded for smoking a cigarette, uttering a mildly offensive word, and irritating a kitten by stroking its fur backward until it mewled in protest, all in full view of an affronted public.

Newcastle United said Mr Ashley thought he was whimsically inhaling from a fake candy cigarette that was “on fire for some reason,” muttering the word “pram” because he had just remembered that he was intending to buy a perambulator for his expectant niece, and petting the kitten the wrong way for the simple reason that someone had painted a face on “the face part of [its] tail” and he was confused.

Premier League licensing laws prohibit smoking, profanity, and the irritation of kittens in view of the pitch.  When not in view of the pitch, however, all of the above are permitted, as is prostitute murder.

Tags: mike ashley, ridiculous expectations of spectator behavior, kittens, soccer, beer, newcastle united